Coping with drama at the office is among the worst parts of being an executive. It has the potential to suck the life span out of you, and to kill your motivation, and for many of my clients, it leaves them wondering: "Why did I choose this career?" The very best exemplory instance of that is one my clients - we shall call him John.
John could be the CEO of a production company. He hates drama. You can literally see his skin crawl when he discusses it. His face scrunches up. His shoulders tighten and he winces when he discusses the most recent drama of the day. "I recently don't get it. What's everyone's problem? Why can't they only do their work? It's like coping with children." Then his body crumbles, and he looks defeated. Exhausted. Helpless. Weighed down.
We can all relate genuinely to John. We've all experience political situations that individuals prefer to forget. Those occasions when we are caught in a pinnacle of workplace drama - one individual is upset, gossip in the corporation is rampant, and we feel just like a ping pong ball once we bounce around trying to create sense of the issue. So, what is an executive to do? If you should be caught in drama, how will you get free from this dark hole?
To begin with, let's speak about what not to do. John illustrates this well. Every time John experiences drama, he avoids it. He literally shuts down. His face goes blank. He starts to squirm, and he typically nods in a placating way. Unsurprisingly, the placating nod does the most harm. When he nods, people feel understood, nevertheless when John he takes no action, they get mad. Final result? They attack John. Dramacool They whisper in the lunch room: "What's his problem? He doesn't do anything!" Many people get angry. The irony is that now folks have a new issue to bond around - John's deadbeat behaviour. It's not surprising that John has 45% turnover in his company. Not good.
So, the thing that was John doing wrong? Well, a couple of things. To begin with, he distanced himself from the drama to the level he escalated the problem. By distancing himself, John became part of the drama problem because nothing got dealt with in a constructive way.
One of many basic principles of coping with drama at work is to recognize your emotional patterns once you encounter drama and to recognize how your typical reaction plays a part in the problem. Does it escalate it? Enable others? Or diffuse it? If John was able to self-manage his reactions better, he could have got an alternative tactic when employees stumbled on him about issues. He might have expressed confidence in their ability to handle the situation constructively, facilitated the development of a behavioural code of conduct, or brought in a talented third party to simply help them. Instead, he was so busy managing his own anxiety, nothing got done.
Second, he created a "drama triangle" - a seductive high energy interaction which include blaming, defensive behaviour, and rescuing. Drama triangles are recognizably consistent no real matter what the facts of the situation and they include the following roles:
The Persecutor: "This company is this type of hole." "I can't believe the caliber of management." "It's all John's fault." "That VP, Sales is a real idiot." All the energy switches into finding someone or something the culprit for the company's problems. Blaming another person makes people feel a lot better and, of course, it means other folks have to improve, not you.
The Victim: "I tried my best." "I couldn't get through." "They did this to me." This is actually the victim in the drama. They make use of a helpless tone, and don't take personal responsibility. They might search for you to definitely rescue them, or the culprit, to be able to eliminate their negative feelings.
The Rescuer: Rescuers need a victim to feel good. They're "do-gooders" without boundaries. "Let me fix this. Let me take this on." "I could save the day." "Let me rescue this poor person who had been hard done by." Rescuers may try to simply help people without having to be asked, or they take a twisted pleasure in getting their nose into other people's drama.
A lot of people learn the ability of being a persecutor, victim, or rescuer as children and they continue this behaviour in their career without having to be alert to it. As an executive, if you take part in this behaviour or react to it, you'll escalate the drama and there will be a price to cover - people won't desire to work for you, you'll feel drained at work, and you'll develop a negative culture.
To break the cycle, you need to create the tone of personal accountability, respect, choice, and principled behaviour in your organization and work culture. Below are a few specific tactics:
- Be cautious about drama triangles and start to look closely at who is playing the role of persecutor, victim, and rescuer. Be mindful that role you tend to play.
-Consider the payoff in your organization for taking on a specific role. Are people "bonding" together when they have another person the culprit? Are they avoiding coping with the complexity of issues by blaming one individual? Do the "victims" get pity? Do people feel sorry for them, or stay clear, thereby giving them power? Are you currently creating dependence in your organization by rescuing people? Self-righteousness?
- Explore what is being avoided by participating in the drama. Exist some deeper issues in the corporation that need to be addressed? If so, what are they?
- Notice your reactions to drama. What have you been doing? Not doing? What have you been taking responsibility for? Maybe you have agreed to do a lot more than you wish to?
- Whenever you get brought about by a drama, give attention to grounding yourself. Do not cope with the drama until you can get involved without escalating your own emotional reaction.
- Facilitate a wholesome outcome by concentrating on principles - respect, honesty, and making agreements that work. Recognize that the more intense the drama, the harder it is to get visitors to develop a wholesome outcome.
-If you are too close to the issue at hand, obtain a facilitator or executive coach to facilitate healthy dialogue.
